This is going to be one of those posts that I'm sure won't interest anybody, but I think my girls may want to read it when they're older.
I decided on Tuesday to start Noelle on formula. I am absolutely positive that 'breastmilk is best', as they say, which is why I've nursed her for 3 months. I planned to nurse much longer, but my body is not cooperating. The left side is perfect...no pain, no issues, just like mother nature intended. But the right side seems to have a mind of its own. It's bothered me since she was born, and I've been treated for both mastitis and a yeast infection (who knew you could get a yeast infection of the breast?), but nothing is working. It feels like someone beat my right side with a baseball bat, then hooked up electrodes in order to send electrical current every ten minutes, even when she's not nursing. And when Noelle latches on, I feel like I want to scratch my own eyeballs out, it hurts so bad. I've been putting up with it, but on Monday night & Tuesday morning Noelle started spitting up significant amounts of blood...blood that was coming from ME. So I decided I'm done. I headed to the grocery store Tuesday afternoon to buy some formula and had to call two of my dearest friends for moral support.
I know that ultimately it's not a big deal and that a bazillion people have been raised on formula. But it makes me sad to be giving up that connection. And it makes me sad that, although formula is great, I can't give her the BEST. And I'm mad that half my body won't work the way it's supposed to.
But as soon as Chris gave her the first bottle, and she happily drank the whole thing, I relaxed. And I realized how tense it had been making me for these past 3 months.
And, what do you know, that side is healing nicely, and I'm still able to nurse her about 3 times a day.
I just need to keep trusting that happy mama = happy family. And THAT is what is truly best for everyone.
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3 comments:
I had that exact same thing with Brynn. I was a mess when i had to "gasp" go to formula...It was the best decision, I was miserable, Brynn was miserable,but Formula made us both happy. :) Happy to hear you are on the mend. You gave her the best, a mommy that isn't in pain.
I had the opposite - breastfeeding Teeny was 3 months of nothing but physical pain. When I saw the doc he said that if everyone had these issues, no one would breastfeed. I got lucky with JJ and things went great - but definitely know - having had it work and not work - that it's DEFINITELY not worth pursuing if it's not working. Period! Formula is just fine - and helps em sleep better at night! ;)
While I have no experience in this matter, I think the ultimate lesson you learned (happy momma = happy fam) is the best. What a great role model for your daughters ~ value yourself.
xx
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