Delilah is napping and my 6 month pregnant self should be doing the same. And, yet, I am here. I am here because while I love each and every one of you who take the time to read this, I really keep this blog for my children to read one day. These posts are being formatted into books and printed out to be kept as photo albums/journals and I guess right now I just want my girls to know what was on my heart this day.
I feel...fluttery. I suppose it is the sense of all the imminent changes and the unrest that goes with it. I was a little surprised by the reaction of most family and friends when they heard that we might be moving to Iowa. Almost every single person said, "I can not picture you in Iowa, Rachael. You will be MISERABLE". At first I was offended, but then I realized that if that is what others thought, then that must be all I've shown them, so who is to blame? I think the idea of me in Iowa just didn't gel with the NYC/LA girl that everyone has known. But the reason I loved and thrived in those cities wasn't b/c they were big cities...it was b/c I love a good adventure. I love the challenge of a new place with no friends but a ton of opportunity. So I thought Iowa didn't sound so crazy...it was just going to be a new challenge. The Huntley Plan was to live in a house for a few years to get acclimated and let the girls grow a little older, then buy a farm and a few acres and see what happened.
Because the further I go down this road of motherhood, the more I feel the cliched pull to 'get back to nature'. Crowded, modern places are starting to make me feel claustraphobic and invisible. My family loves to tease me about my political views, but the fact is that I've started to just not care anymore. Not because it doesn't matter, but because I feel like the world is just spinning in a direction that I don't particularly care for. So the idea of moving to Iowa and to a slower pace of life was actually pretty appealing. I follow blogs written by bohemian mothers who live in the woods of Canada and, while I know the grass is always greener and that they edit the heck out of their posts, I also see the truth behind what was a real lifestyle choice. A choice to make their kids' clothes, grow their own gardens, and homeschool their kids. And while I don't want to go that route 100%, there is nothing wrong with wanting to do it 50%.
So I will try to relax and not put so much pressure on myself because I look at Delilah and constantly think that I am not doing enough for her, for this precious child.
This sweet little girl who pats the pillow next to her on her big girl bed and whispers, "mommy, lay down. Mommy, sleep too" because she doesn't want me to leave.
This sweet little girl who always asks to 'baby monkey' b/c it means a full body hug where she wraps her legs and arms around me as tightly as she can.
This sweet little girl who strokes my face and says "mommy is beautiful' b/c she doesn't know what beautiful means, but she knows that I say it to her all the time and she sees the love in my eyes when I say it.
We'll see where this move (which is to Houston and not Iowa!) and where this new baby girl take us. When you get down to it, there's not much more to life than a strong marriage, healthy children, and good friends & family to share it with. And I think we've got that covered...